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On the Other Side of Survival
Ned Rollo - OPEN, INC.
Prison
is a human zoo. A pest hole of sadness, madness and pain. This is no great
news. Every person who's ever done time knows it all too well.
And
a prisoner learns, too, that survival, on many levels, becomes the
overriding focus of his or her life. But simply “surviving”
gets old -- really old! So you reach a point where you ask yourself,
"why bother?" Why bother
to go through this silly bull shit?
Why bother to endure the same old Mickey Mouse garbage day after
day, year after year? Everything gets so dirty and so dark. So why bother?
There
is a reason -- a very good one!
In fact, there is a reward that, if understood and cultivated, can
grow out of the perversion of a prison. But let's be clear: it's not simple
or easy to obtain -- and certainly nothing the system will be willing to
share with you. And, even if it did, you wouldn't be receptive to such
insight from your captor, from your enemy.
It
is essential to understand the deeper impact of what captivity does to the
human mind and spirit. Especially how the experience forces you to narrow
your vision (or "understanding") down to the madness of the
moment. In so doing, it is easy to get lost in the idea that this is all
there is -- that this nasty, noisy, sick place is, in fact, a true
reflection of what life is all about. But, you see, it simply isn’t
true!! Survival in a cage is NOT what life is all about. It is essential to be constantly aware
there IS something on the other side of survival that stands to make it all
worthwhile.
Stop
and look within the very center of yourself. Come to terms with the fact that prison
can never be your home, no matter how long they keep your body in a
box!! There is a reason to hold on,
to fight your way through, to be strong and brave, to control your mind, to
refuse to surrender, to practice discipline, to cope with your rage, to
maintain your dignity at any price. There is a reason -- but no
one wants you to know it! Why? Because the reason itself is the key to
your ultimate freedom---the source of power, sanity, dignity, purpose, and
pride.
This
key is your sense of duty to yourself to be the very best you can be, to play the best game with
the hand that has been dealt you. And to maintain your faith and efforts
until such time as you can finally reshuffle and re-deal the deck. What you
must clearly understand is that imprisonment, as a long-term event,
undermines and erodes your knowledge of this fact and your vision of a
better day. Its real damage is not the obvious results of life in a snake
pit, but how, like drinking battery acid, it eats away at your awareness of
your sense of purpose -- even your will to go on. So, before all else, each person must
maintain his or her absolute determination to learn and grow, even on the
bottom floor of hell. Guard it well
-- it is your greatest treasure!
Those
who have been down before know full well that the rat race doesn't cease
the day they kick you out of the joint. No: it simply takes on another
form...and speeds up! Trying to find an answer to "why bother" is
not automatically taken care of just because they cut you loose.
So
how do you effectively prepare to make it in the streets? Begin by
confronting the harsh fact that you walk out “designed to
fail,” on a variety of levels. Why?? Before all else, the fantasy and
illusions that inmates use to keep their heads and hearts together in
prison fade away like a morning fog hit by the rays of the sun. At this
point of vulnerability and panic, a person doesn't know where to go for the
motivation to carry on. It’s
all too easy to turn to the most ancient sources of power: rage and hostility!
This is the classic action of all powerless people throughout history -- a
short-term remedy and a long-term curse!
Hostility,
belligerence, and resentment become internal "power cells." But
they are negative, dangerous, unstable and self-defeating. Yet it's often
all you have, so you go with it. Unfortunately, most people are not
sufficiently aware of the real influence this trap has over them. This is a
big reason half of all released prisoners fail; they actually slam dunk
themselves before they have a chance to move beyond this initial stage of
the battle!
Two
big problems arise out of a "bad attitude”: first, the world
will not put up with it. In fact you are seriously outnumbered and, after a
brief period of relative invisibility, you will be flushed, snuffed or
otherwise disposed of. The other problem is the nature of rage itself; it
simply burns too hot and fast to last! Like a dragster running on nitro,
it’s powerful in the quarter mile but useless down the road. The use of
rage is the same trip; in the end it won't get you where you need to go.
Be
aware: by turning to what you know best, to the spirit of hatred and
revenge, to what seems most natural, to the only thing you may feel you
have, you sentence yourself to hell! And, by this act, you surrender
your body, freedom, future, and dignity to an insensitive, inhuman process
that doesn't care about you, your family...or anything else.
There
has to be a better way! And there is!!
Think of yourself standing on the bank of a wide river with your
goal being to reach the other side. How will you make it across without
being carried away by the current or eaten by the critters?
This
is not a time for head games, self-deception, or playing
dominos...it’s sink or swim!! Focus your mind on that which is real,
that which is true, that which is achievable...and be willing to pay the
price, no matter how demanding, to get there. Go into training. If you
don't know how to swim, you must learn.
If you think that swimming wouldn’t do it, build a boat. If
those options don’t work for you, find a ride! But whatever you do,
it has to pass the “reality test!!” Will it work: will it get you there!?!
All
this demands a high price of faith, time, and energy. You must be
strong! But, again, why bother? It
always comes back to that. The answer is as simple as it is hard to hold
onto: because of the beauty and joy that awaits you beyond the immediate
need to “just make it through the day.”
Hold
on to this fact: that on the other side of survival is quality of life! Kindness,
comfort, tenderness, true meaning, achievement, and an ever-growing
satisfaction. Never surrender your faith in yourself or the vision of a
better day -- NEVER!!!
Copyright
V.N. Rollo, Jr. 2003 (rev. 06/03/04)
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